List of Two and a Half Men characters

This is a list of characters from Two and a Half Men, an American sitcom based around a hedonistic jingle writer, Charlie; his uptight brother, Alan; and Alan's growing son, Jake. Charlie's free-wheeling life is complicated and altered when his brother gets divorced and moves, along with his son, into Charlie's beach-front house. The series' premise was revamped in the ninth season, centering on Alan's life with his new roommate, billionaire Walden Schmidt, following Charlie's sudden death.

Cast and characters

Main

• Charlie Sheen as Charles Francis "Charlie" Harper (seasons 1-8), a hedonistic bachelor, jingle/children's song writer who tends to pick on his younger brother Alan, whom he loves, although he will never ever admit it, and usually takes pleasure in any dismay or trouble he runs into. He is the opposite of Alan: relaxed, carefree, and affluent. He gives his nephew, Jake, advice (much of which is not age-appropriate), but the two increasingly trade barbs as well.^[1] He is killed sometime between Seasons 8 and 9 as he is hit by a train and it is revealed that he proposed to Rose before his death.
• Jon Cryer as Alan Jerome Harper (seasons 1-present), Charlie's twice-divorced chiropractor brother, who is conscientious but continually stricken with bad luck and teased by Charlie, Berta and Judith. After losing his house to his first wife Judith, in the divorce, he moves in with Charlie. He is generally a nice and polite man, but seems to have a weakness for women who treat him poorly, which may stem from the non-nurturing relationship he had with his and Charlie's mother. In the Season 4 episode, "Repeated Blows to his Unformed Head," it is revealed that Alan has a pregnancy fetish, which he says is due to Judith only varying from her sexless marriage policy while pregnant with Jake. Also, in the Season 6 episode, She'll Still Be Dead at Halftime, he confesses that he likes feet (see foot fetish). Alan is two years younger than Charlie. Prior to Two and a Half Men, Cryer and Sheen appeared together in the 1991 comedy Hot Shots! Cryer also won the 2009 Emmy Award for Best Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series. Alan stays at the house as Walden temporarily lets him after helping him with Bridget, but Walden later insists that Alan stay with him permanently when Alan, with Bridget's help, saves him from Courtney (Jenny McCarthy), a femme fatale who previously had a relationship with Charlie, and was out to get Walden's money. Alan and Walden became best friends after that. This friendship eventually earned Alan a position as a board member of Walden's company and his name on the deed of the beach house. Walden also re-named his company "Walden Loves Alan Enterprises" in honor of his best friend.
• Ashton Kutcher as Walden Schmidt (season 9-present), a billionaire internet entrepreneur who has recently been divorced and is now suicidal.^[2] When Charlie Harper dies and leaves the house to his brother Alan, Alan puts the house on the market because he is unable to make payments on the three mortgages. Guest stars John Stamos, Jenna Elfman and Thomas Gibson view the house but do not buy it. While Alan is speaking to Charlie's ashes and trying to decide where to spread them, Walden appears from nowhere on the back deck, scaring Alan and causing him to dump the ashes across the living room. Once inside, he reveals that he was trying to drown himself in the ocean, having been recently divorced from his wife Bridget, portrayed by Judy Greer. He and Alan bond at a bar, where he tells Alan that he made his $1.3 billion fortune by selling his website to Microsoft. After picking up two women and bringing them back to the house, where he sleeps with them, he decides to buy the house.^[3] His wife describes him as emotionally immature, which upsets him so, with Alan's help, he returns to his mansion to confront his wife in the hope of reconciling. However, he is sent away after being treated for an electric shock that he received while climbing the front gates of the mansion. Walden gets a second chance when Bridget later decides that she had been too harsh and that he deserves a chance to prove he is not as childish as he was; this chance is quickly ruined by a food fight between Walden and a little girl in the middle of Soup Plantation. Walden eventually invites Alan to stay living at the house he has been living in for 8 years with him as Walden wants someone around he can trust, and they became best friends. He drives a Fisker Karma,^[4] and asks Evelyn to remodel the house^[5] using solar power and wind power.^[6]

• Angus T. Jones as Jacob David "Jake" Harper (seasons 1-present), the underachieving son of Alan and Judith. He spends most of his free time playing video games, eating, watching television, playing the guitar and sleeping. He is also an excellent poker player and a fairly good cook, but appears a bit dim and lazy, which coupled with his excessive flatulence, is a frequent theme of jokes about him. Despite his apparent lack of intelligence, he is sometimes very observant. He clearly loves his father and uncle, but is often surly toward them. Jake's style, personality and attitude changes as the series progresses, from a more adorable, little-boy charm in the first season to a caustic teenager in later seasons. After Charlie's death, Jake at first does not appear affected by his passing but it is later revealed that he does miss him and tells his father that the most important thing Charlie taught him was that when he is his uncle's age he wants to be married and have a family, because Charlie seemed very lonely.

Major

• Conchata Ferrell as the sharp-tongued housekeeper Berta (seasons 1-present). Although Berta's manner may be viewed as sarcastic, Alan and Charlie still treat her with a great deal of respect, partly out of fear, and it is clear that the household cannot function properly without her. Berta has tried her best not to allow the overwhelming stress of her job to get to her head: when Alan (a generally tidy person) moved in, she quit and Charlie was so upset that Alan had to personally beg her to return and promised that he would do his own cleaning. However, the fact that Jake's bedroom could be confused with a dump (at various times including dead fish in the closet, food left-overs in his toy box, and nasal mucus under the bed), that his toilet seat is frequently sprayed with urine, and that his underwear is filthy often leads to anger on her part. Her favorite line after a mini disaster occurs in the house is, "I'm not cleaning that up!" She has a sister named Daisy, played by Camryn Manheim, with whom she does not get along. She also has three daughters and a number of granddaughters, whom she admits are "sleazy and easy" and whom she sometimes brings along to work. A notable example was when she brought her teenage granddaughter Prudence, played by Megan Fox. She has served time in prison. She uses, and makes references to, drugs (legal and otherwise); it is hinted that she has enjoyed many a joint during work hours, and can produce a perfect one given the opportunity. She takes anxiolytics (Valium especially) in her coffee to reduce her violent tendencies. She was a groupie with the Grateful Dead, and implied that she has had a lesbian experience while there. It was hinted twice in Season 8 that Charlie may have left the house to her in his will, rather than to Alan. She often calls Alan "Zippy." She, along with Alan and Evelyn, are portrayed as the only people saddened over Charlie's death. After Walden buys the house, he asks her to be a live-in housekeeper. But that agreement is short-lived when she finds out that Alan will be moving back in, only this becomes more likely when Walden sees Berta invite a piggish house guest over earlier.
• Holland Taylor as Evelyn Harper (seasons 1-present), Charlie and Alan's conceited mother and Jake's grandmother. In the first season she is 58 years old. She expresses a superficial fondness for her sons and grandson, but she rarely lives up to her self-perceived notion of being a devoted and misunderstood matriarch. Her sons and grandson generally return the favor and go out of their way to avoid interacting with her on most occasions. Her wide-ranging sex life is a recurring gag throughout the series. The family frequently refers to her as "the devil" (or, as Charlie put it, "unholy mother of us"), and Charlie has her number on speed-dial in his cell phone as "666." Once, she showed up at the door in a black cloak with carrying a scythe. When Alan asked who it was, Charlie responded "It's Death," to which Alan replied, "Hi, mom!" It has been implied on one occasion that she literally is a witch (who is dreaded by other witches). Wealthy, with a luxurious house, she has been married numerous times and sells real estate. Evelyn has lost her oldest son Charlie, who was killed by a moving train, and surprisingly, she is distraught over his death. At his funeral, however, she continuously mentions her intention to sell his house.
• Marin Hinkle as Judith Harper-Melnick (seasons 1-present), Alan's cheating, vindictive, cold hearted, self-absorbed, and humorless ex-wife. She seems to despise Alan and takes any chance to humiliate him. She was the first woman Alan ever slept with, but their marriage was cold: according to her, the only time she was ever happy being sexual was when she was pregnant with Jake. In the pilot, she lied to him about realizing she was homosexual as an excuse to end the marriage, and in subsequent episode he caught her picking up multiple men. She made no secret of living luxuriously with Alan's alimony, seeing as she has not held a job since she divorced him. She has since remarried to Dr. Herb Melnick (Ryan Stiles), Jake's pediatrician, a union that brought joy to Alan because it meant he no longer had to pay alimony. In Season 6, she threw Herb out of the house and briefly reunited with Alan before reconciling with Herb, and it was later revealed she was pregnant with a daughter, whom she eventually named Millie. Alan hoped he was the father, but Judith said she would kill him if he revealed that he slept with her, and after she gave birth in the sixth season finale, the child's parentage remained uncertain, as Judith was with both Herb and Alan around the time Millie was conceived. Jake and Berta describe Millie as looking nothing like Judith or Herb but more like a girl version of Alan, implying Alan is the probable biological father. In Season 7 Judith made few appearances but was featured in almost every episode in Season 8.
• Jennifer Bini Taylor (season 6; recurring, season 7; regular, season 9; guest appearance)^[7] as Chelsea^{[note 1]} Charlie's girlfriend for most of season six, who has moved into his house by the season's end. Formerly a one-night stand, Chelsea seems to be one of the few women out of Charlie's countless relationships that has caused him to try to make positive changes in his debaucherous lifestyle. She became close friends with Alan, something Charlie enjoyed because Alan could take her to museums and foreign films (activities that Charlie cannot stand). In the seventh season premiere, Charlie finally decides to let go of Mia and commit to Chelsea. As the season progresses they plan to marry but, after Chelsea becomes attracted to Alan's lawyer and Charlie vomits on a baby, Chelsea postpones the wedding. In Season 7 Charlie and Chelsea make several attempts reconcile, most recently following her breakup with Brad (the man Chelsea left Charlie for). Chelsea tried to reunite with Charlie, but was thwarted due to her best friend Gail, (Tricia Helfer) sleeping with him. Jake later gives Chelsea a necklace that Charlie got her for her birthday and she goes outside to see him but when she got there, Charlie was in trouble with the police for backing into a police car, with a suspended license. Jake was driving at the beginning of this episode, but when the police came after them in a cop car, Jake and Charlie switched seats, causing Charlie to lose his license. While credited among the main cast as Jennifer Taylor during the seventh season, CBS press releases bill her as a recurring character. At Charlie's funeral, she says he gave her chlamydia.
• April Bowlby (season 3; recurring, season 4; regular^[8]) as Kandi, Alan's second ex-wife. Initially Charlie's gorgeous but dim-witted girlfriend until Charlie broke it off with her so he could date Mia. When Judith (who later became Kandi's confidante) initially tried to end Kandi's relationship with Alan, Kandi's mother Mandi (Gail O'Grady), who also had a brief fling with Charlie during that time, made sure the couple were dating again. During this time Judith briefly dated Kandi's father Andi (Kevin Sorbo) leading an interesting joke Jake told his father about the possibility Kandi could be his stepmother, stepsister and stepcousin all at once. Kandi and Alan had a superficial relationship based mostly on sex, but they eventually wed in Las Vegas, where they also won half a million dollars. After only four months of marriage, and spending nearly all of their winnings, Kandi kicked Alan out of their condominium, which was later revealed to be because Alan did not want to have another child with her. Kandi is soon offered a role (as a sexy forensics expert) on a CSI-type television series, entitled Stiffs. At the same time, Alan sees that Jake is practically grown up and he returns to Kandi to agree to have a baby with her. However, moments before they try to conceive, Kandi finally signs the divorce papers, to ensure that Alan would not have any claim on her new-found television lucre, and disappears from Alan's life. Bowlby had also appeared as another character named Kimber earlier on in the series prior to playing Kandi. Kandi was not seen or mentioned in seasons 5, 6 or 7, although Alan, Charlie and Jake have all mentioned that Alan "has been married twice." While credited among the main cast during the fourth season, CBS press releases billed her as a recurring character.
• Melanie Lynskey (starring seasons 1–2; recurring seasons 3–5, guest appearances season 6–present) as the Harpers' wealthy neighbor and Charlie's stalker, Rose, one of Charlie's one-night stands, who won't allow him to forget about her as he does all his other sexual conquests. Rose acknowledges that she is "boundary challenged", while Charlie and Alan refer to her as Charlie's stalker. In the pilot, she told Alan that she sneaks into Charlie's room while he's asleep and tries on his underwear. Usually uninvited, she enters and exits Charlie's house by climbing onto the backyard deck, rather than using the front door. She has been caught by Charlie and Alan as she watched them sleeping on several occasions. While credited among the main cast in CBS press releases in Season 3–4, she was credited as a recurring star in on-screen credits.^[8] After season 4, she left for London and appeared on the show only rarely. She later returns to Malibu in Season 5, though no longer living next door to Charlie, hence her less frequent appearances. She claims she was sent away from England after "an incident at Buckingham Palace." In Season 6, she became friends with Charlie's fiancee Chelsea and went on a blind date with Alan; the two began dating before Rose evinced the same jealousy and possessiveness towards Alan that she had applied towards Charlie, right down to gluing things to his nether regions. Rose was stalking Alan, but have been stalking both Alan and Charlie. Although she is somewhat mentally unhinged and obsessed with Charlie, Rose expressed that she "has an undergraduate degree from Princeton University (which she completed in 2 years) and a master's degree in behavioral psychology from Stanford University." Throughout the series, Rose has applied her knowledge of interpersonal communication towards the various situations that arise. Her family is involved in banking and oil, making them, and implicitly her, extremely wealthy. Martin Sheen, who is Charlie Sheen's real-life father, made a guest-appearance on the show as Rose's equally-disturbed father who similarly obsessed over Evelyn after sleeping with her once. Rose also has five ferrets, all named "Charlie," as was revealed in Season 2's "The Salmon Under My Sweater." Her only appearance in Season 7 was in "Gumby with a Pokey" when Charlie begins to hallucinate (after taking medicinal marijuana). Women in his past interrogate why he mistreated them, then he goes out to the deck to discover Rose; unlike the other women, Rose is really there. She made multiple appearances in Season 8, after staging her wedding, which makes Charlie realize he probably loves her. In the last episode of Season 8, Charlie leaves for Paris with her. In Season 9, Rose reveals that she and Charlie got engaged in Paris. It is implied she may have had something to do with Charlie's death after she returned to their Paris hotel to find him showering with another woman. She reappears again at the end of "What A Lovely Landing Strip" catching Walden's ex-wife Bridget spying on Walden and his new girlfriend, she then tells her that she can help her in making Walden suffer thus hinting that Rose will pass down her stalking ways to Bridget.
• Ryan Stiles (recurring, seasons 2–present) as pediatrician Dr. Herbert "Herb" Melnick, Judith's goofy, train-hobbyist husband and Jake's stepfather. He first appeared as Judith's date in Season 2's "Enjoy Those Garlic Balls," but due to an inconsistency in the storyline, he was initially referred to as "Greg Melnick." Not particularly happily married to uptight Judith, he is laid-back and gets along with the Harper brothers, whose lifestyles he appears to envy at times—such as Charlie's partying and the fact that Alan was married to Kandi and later dates neighborhood MILF (and former soft-core porn actress) Lyndsey McElroy.^[9] He and the other men in Judith's neighborhood similarly idolize Lyndsey's ex-husband Chris for repeatedly seducing the babysitter.^[10] He has stated that he likes spending time with the Harpers, and called Charlie "a little loosie-goosie with the liquor and the ladies, but all-in-all a good fella" (which did not impress Judith). In the Season 6 finale, Judith gives birth to their daughter, whom they name Millie Melnick. However, Herb does not know that Judith had a brief affair with Alan around the time Millie was conceived, and remains in the dark about the fact that Alan could possibly be Millie's biological father. Single for most of his life, Herb's hobbies center on gardening,^[11] his large model train layout,^[12] and "accidentally" bumping into Lyndsey every morning.^[10] Sexually, he is particularly adept at cunnilingus.^[11]

Recurring

• Jane Lynch (season 1, 3–present) as Dr. Linda Freeman, initially as Jake's, then as Charlie's and Alan's adept, incisive but money-hungry psychiatrist. Often when Charlie or Alan are just getting to the root of their problem, Dr. Freeman notes that the area is interesting, "but, unfortunately, we're out of time". She prides herself as a guesser and is quite sarcastic, especially with Charlie. A recurring gag is her frequent over-billing, once charging Charlie a full hour's fee ($200) for 5 minutes of consultation, and on another occasion while treating Alan for insomnia she billed him for an entire hour after he slept for 40 minutes of the session pointing out that she was awake. In one episode, she tells Charlie to open up and not hold anything back as her hourly fee comes to "$7 a minute". During her sessions with Jake, Dr. Freeman displays a rather quirky demeanor and is noted for her use of a cow hand puppet. She later becomes Walden's psychiatrist in season 9. It is implied that she is gay, as after Walden hugs her, she remarks "Hmph. Maybe I'm not gay." ^[13]
• Emmanuelle Vaugier (season 3; recurring, seasons 5, 6, 7 & 9; guest appearances) as Mia, a ballet teacher whom Charlie Harper fell in love with during the third season. She got him to clean up his act by not drinking nor smoking as much, not wearing bowling shirts as well as not eating meat. However, he breaks up with her after he becomes fed up with the way she was making him act. She then takes a job in New York. She returns towards the end of the third season when her dancing group comes to town, and she asks Charlie for his sperm so she can have a baby. He attempts but fails, and he then proposes marriage to her, in which she accepts. Initially, Alan was their wedding planner, however after a big blowout with Mia's parents, they agree to go to Las Vegas and elope. Just as they are about to be married, Mia implies that Alan and Jake will be moving out after they wed, and Charlie refuses to throw out his family. They break off the engagement and she leaves. Mia returns in the fifth season when Charlie sees that she is marrying another man, and he attempts to win her back, but her father punches him out. She returns again the sixth and seventh seasons after her divorce in hopes that Charlie will help her with a new-found singing career. Charlie then has to choose between Mia and his then-fiancee Chelsea. After much consideration, Charlie chooses Chelsea and abandons Mia at the recording studio. Mia also makes a brief guest appearance in the ninth season premiere at Charlie's funeral.
• J.D. Walsh as Gordon, a pizza delivery driver who appears in seasons 1-3 and season six onwards. During the third season he has a brief relationship with Rose, who forces him to dress like Charlie and yell the latter's name during sex. After their break-up he disappears from the show, but returned in season six, again delivering pizzas. He revealed how he became a millionaire on the stock market, got married and subsequently divorced and then lost all his money to his ex-wife, forcing him to return to pizza delivery. He looks up to Charlie, often calling him a genius and always addressing him as "Mr. Harper" rather than the more familiar "Charlie". Charlie invariably orders pizza from Gordon's pizzeria for him to deliver, irrespective of the distance; including when subletting his own live-in girlfriend Chelsea's old apartment in the San Fernando Valley,^[14] and when camped out with Alan et al. in Lyndsey's burned-out house^[15] twenty miles from the beach.^[9] Gordon is unaware that Alan briefly dated Rose after his own relationship with her.^[16]
• Kelly Stables (season 6-present) as Melissa, Alan's receptionist who briefly dated Charlie before starting a relationship with Alan. She broke off the relationship after discovering Alan in bed with her mother (Alan was under the influence of narcotics, provided by Melissa's mother). The two reconcile and begin dating again, but Alan's cheapness and lack of a private area for them to make love causes a second breakup. She reappeared in Alan's life in the second episode of season 8 ("A Bottle of Wine and a Jackhammer"), complicating Alan's relationship with Lyndsey. Alan and her had a bad breakup and she violently forced Charlie to reveal Alan's location with Lyndsey, but she never showed up there, wasn't a factor in Alan and Lyndsey's breakup at the time, and has not been seen since. ^[17]
• Courtney Thorne-Smith (season 7-present) as Lyndsey McElroy, Alan's girlfriend and the mother of Jake's best friend, Eldridge (Graham Patrick Martin). Years ago, she was featured in a soft-core porn movie.^[9] She and Eldridge live across the street from Judith, Herb, Jake and Millie.^[18] She divorced her husband Chris after discovering his affair with their babysitter.^[19] Alan began dating Lyndsey at the end of season 7, and their relationship was initially kept a secret from their sons.^[20] They have since had several breakups and reunions. In the Season 9 episode "One False Move, Zimbabwe" Alan says that Lyndsey is now dating someone else.
• Graham Patrick Martin (season 7-Present) as Eldridge McElroy, Jake's best friend whose mother Lyndsey (Courtney Thorne-Smith) dated Alan. Eldridge is a dim-witted drummer and somewhat of a trouble maker. In his first appearance at the end of season 7, he and Jake get into trouble after sneaking off to the beach with "a few" beers. While Jake and Eldridge are friends, the relationship between their parents does cause some friction in their friendship. He made his first appearance of Season 9 in "One False Move, Zimbabwe".
• Judy Greer as Bridget Schmidt, the wife of Walden Schmidt who is in the process of divorcing him. She initiated the divorce proceedings because she felt Walden would never become a mature adult, but after the divorce was ready to be finalized she decided she loved him anew and wanted him back. Unfortunately, Walden decided to sign the divorce papers and continue his nascent relationship with Zoey, leading Bridget to become violently unhinged and to fall into the orbit of a returned-from-Paris Rose. ^[21] In Season 4, Greer portrayed the role of Myra Melnick the sister of Herb Melnick, Judith's fiance/husband, in the episodes "Smooth as a Ken Doll" and "Aunt Myra Doesn't Pee a Lot", during which she had a brief swing with Charlie before she returned home to her fiancee, whose existence came as a shock to Charlie.

Notes

References